I’ve been thinking a lot about non-negotiables lately in both my personal and professional life. With [gestures vaguely] everything going on around us, it’s never been more important to draw clear lines in the sand. You have to know where you’re flexible, and where compromise simply isn’t an option.
As a manager — someone responsible for the care and feeding of nearly twenty humans — this feels even more critical. Leadership is hard. The pressure is constant, the stakes are high, and the demands come from all directions. But here’s what I’ve learned: if you don’t define the values and boundaries you absolutely won’t bend, your leadership will be reactionary at best, and at worst, just damage control. Without clear non-negotiables, you risk losing yourself, your team’s trust, and ultimately, the ability to lead with integrity. This post is about owning those lines in the sand, early and deliberately, so you can lead with clarity and confidence, even when the pressure hits.
One of the things I’ve come to believe deeply as a leader is this: if you don’t define your non-negotiables, someone else will define them for you.
That “someone” might be your company’s values (or lack of them), it might be your peers, it might be pressure from above, or it might be burnout, inertia, or fear. But make no mistake, the longer you lead without a compass, the more likely you are to wake up one day doing harm you didn’t intend, or tolerating things you would’ve once spoken out against.
So I want to talk about leadership non-negotiables, the lines you draw in the sand, early and deliberately, to anchor the kind of leader you intend to be.
Because if you’re not careful, the job will shape you in ways you didn’t choose.
What Are Non-Negotiables?
To me, they’re not aspirational values. They’re not what you hope to do on a good day when things are calm and your team is thriving. They’re the things you will refuse to compromise on, even under pressure, especially under pressure.
They’re the “I’d rather quit than violate this” statements.
They’re the moments that show your team, and yourself, who you really are.
Mine, for example, look like this:
I will not lie to my direct reports.
No spin, no half-truths. I’d rather say “I can’t tell you that yet” than manipulate someone’s understanding of what’s happening.I will not value output over psychological safety.
Performance matters, but not at the cost of people’s well-being. Unsafe teams burn out. Afraid teams underperform.I will not fire someone without giving them a truly fair chance to succeed.
A Performance Improvement Plan should be a real attempt to support growth, not a slow-motion termination notice. If I can’t stand behind the fairness of the process, I won’t own it.
Why This Matters
When you define these early, and more importantly, declare them, something powerful happens:
You build trust with your team.
People know what to expect from you, even when the news is hard.You hold yourself accountable.
You can’t fudge your way out of a hard moment when you’ve said, out loud, what kind of leader you are.You protect your integrity when the pressure hits.
And if you stay in leadership long enough, it always does.
How to Define Your Own
If you’re not sure where to start, ask yourself:
- What are the moments in leadership I’m most proud of?
- When have I felt complicit in something I wasn’t comfortable with?
- What would I be willing to lose a job over?
Write the answers down. Sit with them. Refine them. Three non-negotiables is plenty. Don’t aim for perfect, aim for true.
Then say them out loud. To your team. To your peers. To your boss, if you’re feeling brave.
Leadership clarity starts with self-honesty.
One Last Thing
It’s easy to fall into thinking that strong values make you inflexible. But I’ve found the opposite to be true.
When you’re clear about your bottom lines, you can lead with more openness, more grace, and more confidence, because you’re no longer making every decision from scratch. You’ve drawn your lines. You’ve said, “This is where I stand.”
And the people around you? They’ll feel it, and trust you more for it.