I became a manager by accident.
Not in the “oops, I left my desk and came back to a team” kind of way, but close. I was a strong IC. I wrote good code, made solid architectural decisions, hit my deadlines, and collaborated well with others. I published articles. I taught university classes in three countries. I won awards: I have multiple Cannes Golden Lions and I definitely built websites you’ve used, apps you’ve downloaded, and TV commercials you’ve watched.
I’ve shipped work for some of the biggest, most recognisable brands in the world. If I checked your closet, your garage, your fridge, and your desk I’d almost certainly find logos of companies I’ve worked for. I’ve had my work prominently displayed in galleries, on billboards, even featured at events in the White House. I was at the fucking top of my industry. And then it all fell apart.
What happened? Someone looked at all that and said to themselfs “we should hire this guy and make him a Director!” Next thing I knew they threw a lot of money at me and suddenly I was running a team. This team was entirely comprised of people smarter than me.
And I had no idea what I was doing.
Trial by Fire Is Not a Training Plan
That first year in leadership was rough. I spent a lot of time pretending I had answers I didn’t have, staying up late reading management books I barely understood, and sweating spinal fluid trying to project the impression that I wasn’t fifty-eleven leagues out of my depth.
No one really trained me. I was just suddenly “in charge.” The assumption seemed to be: if you’re good at the job, you’ll know how to lead others doing it.
What I Wish I’d Had
Looking back, I don’t blame the people who hired me. They were doing their best with what they knew, apparently I talked a good game in the interview, and I went in bright-eyed and bushy tailed trying to do my best to not turn everything around me into a smouldering crater.
I had enthusiasm and ambition but what I really needed was training. Mentorship. Space to observe and absorb. Time to develop my own point of view.
I needed someone to say:
- “Here’s what changes when you become a manager.”
- “Here’s what support looks like now.”
- “Here’s what to expect when someone you like starts struggling.”
- “Here’s how to give hard feedback without losing the room.”
I needed someone to walk alongside me while I learned how to lead, and now that’s what I’m trying to do differently.
What I’m Doing Differently
At my day job we have a role called Team Lead which is essentially a junior Engineering Manager. One of my senior engineers stepped into it recently. They’re curious about management, so instead of tossing them into the deep end, we’re slow-playing it.
They get to work under an experienced manager who never makes mistakes and learn from their mistakes while slowly getting introduced to Manager Lifestyle™.
We’re doing things like:
- Giving them exposure to 1:1s before asking them to lead one solo
- Letting them shadow performance reviews, then co-write the next one
- Talking openly about the emotional weight of leadership — the invisible stuff
- Giving space to screw up in low-risk scenarios
- Building feedback muscles gradually instead of waiting for a “big moment”
- And most critically important of all: letting them see me screw up
The goal isn’t to delay their growth. It’s to scaffold it.
A Note For The New Managers In The Audience
Are you a new manager or thinking of becoming one? Here. Come here. Have a seat.
The scariest part of moving from an IC to Management role is that you suddenly start leaving behind the skills that have made you successful. Your programming skills start moving out of the picture as more of your time becomes invested in people and process.
React can do a lot of things, but it can’t help you coach a low-performing engineer out of the weeds. It can’t do the work of collaborating with your Product team to plan out next year’s roadmap and staffing plan. That’s on you and as a new manager you need to learn to flex entirely different muscles you didn’t even know you had.
Leadership is a skillset. It’s not unlocked with a job title. And it can be taught and it can be learned but only if everyone involved is intentional about how we bring people into it.
I’ve got some words coming for you soon enough, hang tight.
Training the Next Manager Starts With Their Current One (That’s You)
If you’re in a position of leadership and you see someone on your team with potential, ask yourself:
- Are you preparing them for the job, or just handing it to them?
- Are you giving them feedback, or just responsibility?
- Are you normalizing the messiness of leadership, or pretending it’s all intuitive?
We don’t need more accidental managers. We need leaders who were taught, supported, and encouraged to lead with clarity and care.
That starts with us.