Today’s my 50th birthday. There were points in my life where I was certain I wasn’t going to make it this far, but here we stand. It’s been five decades of ups, downs, laughter, tears, pain (inflicted), pain (self-inflicted), adventure, journey, wins, losses, successes, failures, and most of all: change.
Some days, I’m a really smart guy. Some days, for a really smart guy, I’m a really dumb guy. I like to think I’ve learned a lot in the last five decades (!!!), so to mark the occasion of my 50th trip around the sun on this floating space-rock, here are 50 lessons I’ve learned in my life, in no particular order.
- There are a lot of people around you. Find the ones who Get You and ruthlessly hang on to them. They will keep you sane and centred.
- There are a lot of people around you. Find the ones who Bring You Down and ruthlessly cut them out of your life. This applies multiple times over if you suspect said person is a sociopath or if they’re gaslighting you because that son of a bitch will destroy you given half the chance.
- Trust your instincts when meeting new people. Your gut reaction is rarely wrong.
- In the rare instances where your gut reaction is wrong, do everything in your power to mend bridges.
- Regardless of your own political leanings, it’s important to ensure you’re getting your world news from both sides. Balance is critical. Echo chambers are a trap. Yes, this may mean occasionally reading Fox News.
- The eating of oatmeal is a necessity for both physical and spiritual well-being. Boiled on a stovetop and served with heavy cream and brown sugar. If you make microwaveable slop that comes in a packet, you are off the path.
- Ride bikes for health and enjoyment.
- Life’s too short to spend 40+ hours a week doing something that doesn’t make you happy.
- Take time for yourself. Solitary silence in a loud world can be incredibly liberating.
- Bias for action. When faced with a crossroads, the worst trap you can fall into is indecision paralysis. You’re not going to be right 100% of the time but the thing most people don’t realise is that the vast majority of mistakes can be undone.
- Maximise your own happiness, but don’t steamroll others in the process.
- That person you’ve been chasing romantically who either leads you on or won’t give you the time of day? They don’t deserve you. Move on. Quickly.
- The older your body gets, the more effort it takes to keep it in shape. The earlier you start developing good habits (strength, cardio, flexibility) the more dividends those efforts will pay later on.
- Love your favourite weird music as much as you want even if it’s not popular. Ten times out of ten your own personal soundtrack beats whatever manufactured garbage the media industry is putting out this week.
- Life’s too short to drink piss beer.
- Walking in the grass in your bare feet is one of life’s great, hidden pleasures.
- Don’t let anyone try to convince you that your hobbies are a waste of time.
- Don’t let your hobbies become your job. A person who does that becomes a person who has no hobbies.
- Be suspicious of anyone who seems to take pride in their ignorance. Jokingly bragging about not having read a book in years is a red flag, not a character trait.
- Have pets if possible. You’ll never find the level of unconditional love a pet gives you from another human ever. If you have pets, be wary of anyone your pet doesn’t seem to like.
- Touch every boob you can. (with consent, obviously)
- Only boring people get bored. If someone tells you that something is “boring” consider the source.
- One of the greatest privileges of being an adult is that you can just stop doing a thing if you’re not enjoying it. Don’t want to do that thing anymore? As long as you’re prepared to deal with the consequences of that decision you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
- Faith and religion can be important to you, but don’t let an institution dictate how you choose to live that faith out (see “trust your instincts”). Forge your own path with the Eternal.
- Do something positive for your mental health every single day. This could be journaling, writing music, going for a silly little walk, or something else that brings you joy and energy.
- Engage in light competitive activity (i.e. bowling) with friends on a regular basis. Don’t take it too seriously, though, you probably still want to remain friends afterwards.
- It’s never too late to do something new. You’re never too old to pick up a new skill or branch yourself out in new, exciting, terrifying ways.
- When sending a potentially inflammatory or angry message, get someone you trust to proof it for you. Emotions and intent are incredibly difficult to convey through text only, and if you think there’s a chance someone could misinterpret your intent they almost certainly will. Consider talking in person instead.
- Order the lamb.
- Don’t move the same week that you start a new job.
- Living in a country where you don’t speak the language can teach you more in a single day than an entire university degree.
- That degree you spent a ton of money on probably became worthless the second you took the graduation cap off. Sorry.
- You may occasionally enjoy things that are unhealthy. Embrace it.
- You’re going to piss someone off at some point and they’ll let you know. Don’t sweat it. Either fix the situation or decide they’re not worth it.
- People close to you will die at some point during your life. This is inevitable and hurts like hell. There is nothing you can do to prepare for this and the pain never fully goes away. Such is life.
- Throughout your life you will make many friends. Some friends stay with you for the long haul, some friends only stay with you for a season. This is normal, and both types are to be equally treasured.
- Anyone who says chocolate isn’t good for you is lying.
- Reading fiction can teach you just as much as non-fiction.
- The minimum proper number of books to be reading at any given time is two.
- Coffee, red wine, and scotch are three of the greatest things to drink in the universe. Spend the extra money on the good stuff.
- When making a major purchase never buy the cheapest or the most expensive option. The best value almost invariably lies somewhere in the middle.
- Energy and resources invested in learning how to cook properly will repay themselves many many times over throughout your entire life.
- Burning your house down to get rid of a spider falls clearly in the “acceptable losses” category.
- Follow your heart. It’s looking out for your best interests.
- It’s ok to get angry at things. Anger can be cleansing and purifying. Just don’t let it consume you.
- Go camping every once in awhile. Nature is pretty awesome.
- You are infinitely stronger and more resilient than you think.
- Wear pants only when required by social appropriateness and not one second more.
- Late-stage capitalism only wants to take and take and take from you until you have nothing left to give. Do not let it. Fight like hell to protect yourself because nobody else will.
- Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham contains the key to understanding all mysteries of the universe. Go back and read it if you don’t know what I’m talking about, and keep re-reading it over and over again until you do. It’s in there. Trust me.
Your pal, Scott
08.15.2026
